Object Relations and Venus-Mars: Psychology of Love and Aggression

Astrology often frames Venus and Mars as archetypes of love and war, but beneath these symbols lie deep psychological mechanisms. Object relations theory (Melanie Klein, D.W. Winnicott) provides a rigorous framework: our early relationships with primary objects (mother, father) form internal representations that we later project onto partners. Venus and Mars in the natal chart are not merely 'feminine' and 'masculine' — they represent two poles of object relations: Venus — the drive for fusion and idealization, Mars — aggression, separation, and defense.

How Object Relations Work in the Venus-Mars Pair

According to theory, the infant experiences the mother as a 'good' and 'bad' object. Venus symbolizes the need for an ideal object (love, harmony), while Mars represents frustration and anger when the object fails to satisfy. If early attachment was insecure, aspects between Venus and Mars (e.g., square or opposition) can manifest as an internal conflict: 'I want love but fear rejection, so I attack first.' Astrological literature describes adverse Venus-Mars aspects as 'whims, hysterics, indecent behavior' — classic projection of the 'bad object' onto the partner.

Specific Patterns: Retrograde Mars in Cancer and Venus-Saturn Aspects

From the provided material: 'People with retrograde Mars in Cancer are often infantile, but show increased interest in the opposite sex and sex. They often develop maternal feelings.' This directly indicates fixation on the early object (mother). Mars retrograde means aggression and initiative are turned inward, and object relations remain at a symbiotic stage. Venus in adverse aspect to Saturn (transit) brings 'cooling of relationships, discord, mutual distrust' — activation of the 'bad' internal object that rejects or punishes. The person unconsciously chooses partners who replicate the coldness of the early object.

Practical Application: How to Use This Insight

By recognizing that your relationship reactions are not 'fate' but repetitions of early object scenarios, you can begin to distinguish projections. For example, if you notice that during a conflict you suddenly become 'hysterical' (as described for Venus-Mars square), ask yourself: 'Who am I seeing right now? A mother who rejected me? Or a real person?' This is the first step toward integrating the 'bad' object.

Exercise: 'Map of Internal Objects'

Take a sheet of paper. Draw two circles: one for Venus (how you show love, what you value in a partner), the second for Mars (how you get angry, assert boundaries). Under each, write three childhood memories related to those feelings. For example: 'Venus: Mom praised me when I was obedient. Mars: Dad yelled when I got angry.' Then look at the aspect between Venus and Mars in your natal chart (if you know it) or simply the signs. Ask: how do these early scenarios repeat now? Write down one specific pattern you want to change. This exercise helps translate unconscious object relations into conscious choice.